I was Glad you were Chubby when we lived in Alaska

when the eagle fell frozen out of the sky - when the blizzard forced mercury to 60 below - when the furnace cracked - when I was constipated with glacial crap - chattering my teeth into slivers

I was glad you had blubber - we put our bed by the fire - we burned our furniture, the truck upholstery, the handles of tools

I was glad you were a beluga  - a corpulent polar princess - you laid on top of me - I gripped you like an infant under a giant breast - I cried I would always love you - my fingers too shaky to dial 911 - you saved my life

the rescue team thawed our noses apart with a candle - they spent 90 minutes uncoiling us - when they pulled you away I felt like I lost my ribcage

we made enough money in the cannery that season to move away from the tundra - we bought a hut in the Hawaiian jungle to farm Maui Wowie - our neighbors called us the Baked Alaskans

our new life began sweet as mangoes but it quickly rotted - the heat made us hate each other - maggots of resentment - you were bossier than a Polynesian Queen - I dehydrated into viciousness

you bought a ticket back to the Arctic Circle - you said we were dancing lights there - you said Paradise is where people need each other - you begged me to join you but I didn't even take off my sunglasses when I kissed you goodbye

I stayed on the island with tall bulimics in small bikinis & the green weed until I got busted & fled to the mainland

10 years later -- I miss you - last Christmas in Reno I rolled in the snow until pain woke me up
I took out your letter - the photo of your new family in Fairbanks - your husband Thor & five children in mukluks

everyone’s gathered together, huddling, except you - you're off to the side with your arms around a snowman & on the back of the card — you say

the snowman is -- me